


Cancer

by rosewitchx



Series: home's the place that I've never known [2]
Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canon up until The Trial, Corruption, Drabbles, F/F, F/M, Fusion, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, lars is still pink but how he came to be pink has changed, sorry i love pain, tags and rating might change???, the corruption song, title is a reference to mcr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewitchx/pseuds/rosewitchx
Summary: Steven's trial ended up just a little differently than he'd originally expected.





	1. three cheers for sweet revenge

_"rose quartz, you are guilty."_

_steven looked away. yellow diamond's eyes burned themselves into him, filled with a rage so divine he felt as if he might have as well dropped dead just then. "i know. just— just do it already."_

_lars screamed at him, muffled by the bubble around his neck. he didn't understand— he had failed him. lars would never see earth again. what a failure steven was, truly._

_he braced himself for the punishment, and slowly, it came._

_a song. a melody so vibrant, so **beautiful** , and yet, steven knew, this was the beginning of his end._


	2. turn away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven overhears a conversation.

steven wakes up in his father's arms.

he opens his eyes, slowly, but closes them again as soon as he notices greg doesn't know he's awake.

he'd missed his father so much—

"greg," says a familiar voice, and he tears up. no, he has to remain asleep, he has to— "can you lift his shirt?"

 _what?_ , steven thinks. "what?," greg says for him. "why?"

he feels pearl's weight shuffle the small bed. yes, he is home. he's safe. "back at the warp pad— i saw his gem, there's— something wrong."

steven's heart drops to his stomach, but he says nothing.


	3. if you could get me a drink of water

"we all know this isn't supposed to happen. this isn't normal!"

steven pretends to sleep. does he? it's just that even moving is exhausting. everything tires him to the bone.

garnet isn't talking. she's just trying to see, steven supposes, into what could happen. amethyst and pearl are arguing with peridot.

"i have a theory," peridot proposes. everyone hushes down their worries and listens. even steven. "maybe— he was put in trial, right? he would've been sentenced to corruption. perhaps his organic body would have reacted to it differently."

"corruption? are you _serious_ , p?"

"i would not ' _joke_ ' about this!"


	4. 'cause my lips are chapped and faded

steven pretends he's fine.

he is, really; walking is hard, especially through the sand, and his feet sink deeper with every step he takes, but he can't bring himself to ask connie to wait for a moment.

it's been only an hour. he couldn't do that to her.

he ducks, his shield in hand, rolling away from the sword's strike. connie's not holding back. she's— obviously angry at him. he deserves it. he left her behind, even though he'd said they'd fight anything together.

he blocks another hit, struggling to remain strong, as he sinks deeper into the white sand.


	5. call my aunt marie

connie carries him home.

he can't move, can't tell her how he feels. can't tell her _i'm okay, i'm okay now, i swear i'm telling you the truth, trust me, i'm—_

he's heavy, dizzy, hot; the world spins around him, the gems are crying and yelling and hurt and confused everything they feel overwhelms him and he feels bad bad bad

but he's okay, he promises, he's okay, he's not corrupted, he just felt a little sick, _it's just a cold, sunburn, frostbite, anything but that—_

steven knows he doesn't have much time left, but he prays for a miracle.


	6. help her gather all my things

steven stumbles his way downstairs as soon as the gems are out of sight.

his legs feel numb and it's hard to walk. it's been a week already. he should be getting better.

any moment now.

he pushes himself against the wall, guiding his steps alongside it; it gives him a little more support as he reaches the kitchen counter. he pauses to catch his breath and then fills up a glass of water. it feels cold as it runs down his throat.

he chokes. but it's not on the water, there's something there—

he coughs up a rose petal.


	7. and bury me in all my favorite colors

steven knows now: there's nothing he can do anymore.

he stares at his hands, shakily; pearl combs his hair in silence. her hands aren't that steady either.

he feels another petal stuck inside his throat, but does his very best to keep it down as he says:

"pearl?"

she looks at him, with the kindest eyes she can muster. she smiles weakly at him. "yes, steven?"

"i'm gonna die, aren't i?"

he hears the comb crack under her hand, but says nothing.

"don't say that," pearl says, "you're going to be better in no time."

pearl isn't a good liar.


	8. my sisters and my brothers, still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Return.

it's a month after steven left for homeworld when lars returns.

it's on a stolen ship, a beautiful blue thing, _stunning_ , or maybe it just reflects the colors of the summer sky; rhodonite is the first one out, shielding her eyes from the harsh sunlight. then come the rutile twins, and a shapeshifted fluorite returns to her original size just as she gets out.

and then, he stumbles his way out, a little dizzy, guiding padparadscha into the sand. he feels it through his toes and bursts out laughing, crying.

and "i'm home!," he cries, to no one in particular.


	9. i will not kiss you

"what the heck happened to steven?"

lars rests his back against the outer wall of the beach house. the crystal gems look away, except garnet; it's her who replies.

"he fainted when he arrived, and he's gotten worse over the past month." she fixes her shades and looks at lars. "what happened while you two were on homeworld?"

the teen toys with his pink hair, sighing. "the diamonds sang something to him, but it didn't do anything. then he got sick but he said it was because of space? then i died and—"

"and he came back."

"what's going on?"


	10. 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

_"i'm not feeling okay, lars."_

_"dude, come on! we gotta— steven?"_

_it should have been obvious, steven realizes now, but at the time, he'd just thought it was normal. you know, typical gravitational deviations, the sickness of space travel and all the stress from the **death sentence** finally hitting his body._

_he sat down inside one of the kindergarten's holes, catching his breath. he felt dizzy, sick, even as lars picked him up and continued running through the ruins._

_something was wrong with him, but he didn't know what._

_and then, the robonoids attacked, and then lars was— he was—_


	11. now turn away

when sadie hugs him and flinches away, her arms prickled by thorns, is when steven truly notices how bad he's getting.

his body is dotted with spines and he keeps choking on flowers; today, all he coughs up are sunflower petals. he can barely walk, and connie keeps visiting him, same as lars and the cool kids, same as almost the entire town. she helps him down the stairs so he can make himself a sandwich; she can tell he hates being babied.

until one day, he doesn't go up the stairs anymore and pretends to sleep on the couch.


	12. 'cause i'm awful just to see

pearl doesn't know it, but steven has seen her cry.

he's heard her fight with amethyst, all the time; it's almost perpetual by now. when he struggles to put some strawberry jam on his biscuit, when he sits on the floor and tries to enjoy another _crying breakfast friends_ ' episode, when they return from every other mission; they're fighting and screaming at each other over anything.

amethyst sits next to him as pearl lectures her once again, frustrated. he hides his face inside her shoulder and it hits her: he's fading away.

"pearl," she cries out, "shut the hell up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never wanted to be made!/i'm useless on my own.


	13. 'cause all my hair's abandoned all my body

steven hates everything.

he doesn't, really, but at this point he might as well do. he can't even hold the n64 controller steady enough to kick amethyst's butt. he can't even lift the butter knife to spread the butter onto his toast, even less feed himself without crying out in pain. his hands ache desperately.

garnet comes home one day as sapphire and ruby. steven pretends to be asleep once more, though he doubts he'll fool sapphire.

ruby, strangely enough, isn't rambling at all. "sapphy?," she mutters. the temperature drops suddenly.

"ruby, what are we going to _do_?," sapphire whimpers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> isn't it funny how the most trivial scenes can become unforgettable?


	14. oh, my agony

steven wakes up crying in pain.

he's coughing, gasping for air; the violet flowers (hyacinths, he remembers seeing them before, so long ago) come out in small bundles, blocking his throat. he's suffocating.

sapphire holds him close, trying to calm him down. "breathe," she says, "breathe," but he can't, he can't, he's _dying_ —

by the time greg arrives he's sobbing into amethyst's arms, shaking ever so slightly, and greg wishes he'd never met rose quartz.

(of course he doesn't mean that.

he loves rose. he'll love her until the day he dies.

he just wishes— she hadn't left steven alone.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Run away like it was yesterday  
> And we could run away  
> If we could run away,  
> Run away from here


	15. know that i will never marry

steven and connie play a board game.

she lets him move first and roll the dices; she hasn't seen him smile like that in a while, and he's even talking! he's talking and laughing and even though he sometimes coughs up a white flower, like the ones they sell with pretty bouquets, she's glad he's having fun.

she thinks of letting him win, but he wouldn't like that anyway.

eventually amethyst joins in, and ruby accidentally turns her piece into charcoal when connie sends her to the start, but even then, it's like nothing bad can ever happen to them.


	16. baby i'm just soggy from the chemo

steven can't move.

his hands are frozen, like glue; his heart beats fast and he's in pain. it's still dark outside, but he keeps hearing the stupid corruption song, so he tries to cry out for help. nothing comes out of his throat.

he chokes down a gasp and tries again. this time, a small whimper makes it out, though it's still not enough. he tries, again and again; he swears he sees tiny cats replace his fingers when a sharp pain hits his gem.

_"help— help—"_

by the time he comes back to reality, the cat fingers are gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awake and unafraid


	17. but counting down the days to go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of today, i'm officially graduated from high school! ✨✨

he's gotten a little better since then.

connie and him sit next to the washing machine, above the beach, above the temple. she plays the violin, and patiently watches him struggle with his ukelele. it's okay, they have more than enough time.

suddenly, steven stops. he's looking at the sunset, melancholic; "connie," he says, "you know i'm— i'm not gonna make it."

she looks at him. there's tears running down his cheeks. "i know," she says, looking away.

"would you—" steven coughed out a dandelion, seeds and everything; connie helped him get it off, "—help me?"

"...help you? with what?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell them how i've defied gravity


	18. it just ain't living

connie refuses to do it.

coward. she's a coward! she won't help him _end it all_ because she's terrified for herself. "you're not thinking straight," she says, and of course he's not, he's freaking _corrupted_ , how could he be thinking straight? "now you're being ridiculous," she replies, "we're going to fix this!"

"no we're not," he says, "i'm going to die! and if it's going to happen sooner or later i'd rather have it be sooner!"

connie leaves shortly after, and comes back through the warp pad with a frantic pearl.

steven's just exhausted and wishes it would all end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do or die, you'll never make me


	19. and i just hope you know

connie rushes to the temple, desperate. after a call from a crying ruby, she'd left her house with only very little explanation and a glowing bracelet on her wrist.

steven's gem cracked. he's laying there, on the couch, breathing heavily; his heart hammers against his chest as he writhes in pain. lars is already there, trying to calm the boy down, while sadie works with pearl to prepare him something to drink.

they don't know how it happened.

(connie _knows_ )

they don't know if it can be fixed.

(there's not enough _time_ )

but then, amethyst says, "what about the fountain?"


	20. that if you say goodbye today

the gemstone looks okay now, but steven isn't responding anymore.

his whole body is prickled with thorns, even his shirt has torn up. with every painful breath, he vomits a stream of petals; figures it would be pink roses. his eyes are clouded and unfocused.

"why didn't it work?!," pearl cries.

"it worked," sapphire says, somberly, and even lars tears up. "it just— didn't heal what we wanted to cure."

connie doesn't realize she's crying. sobbing desperately, really, over the _stupid fountain_ and over steven's _stupid body_.

she feels his jagged fingers caress her cheek and she opens her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and though you're dead and gone believe me  
> your memory will carry on


	21. i'll ask you to be true

the gems send connie home.

"we can't do much anymore," sapphire says; she's managed to remain somewhat calm. connie refuses to leave, and it's her mother who pulls her away. the moment she hits the backseat of the car she's suddenly just exhausted, and she falls asleep between sobs.

she dreams of lisa and archimicarus, of steven. he's faint, ghostly. they dance underneath the pink sky, not saying a word. she fears she'd break down if she did.

"connie," he whispers, suddenly, "let's fuse. please."

stevonnie sobs as they hold themselves together.

when connie wakes up again, steven is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you can lose track of something while you're counting it does it exist


	22. 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a promise.

steven's gem floats inside a bubble, along with a glowing bracelet.

the battle, lars tells her, wasn't too tough on a technical sense. pearl allowed herself to get poofed, though, serving as a distraction. connie hangs up and goes back to sleep.

pearl regenerates after a week. garnet, the rutile twins say, is back together again after a month. amethyst is gone for a couple months, same as peridot and lapis. road trip.

connie returns to sword classes a year later.

she tells pearl this:

_"train me to become stronger._

_so that i can make the diamonds bring him back."_

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your weary widow marches on.
> 
> and it is done!!!!!!!! /finally/ i finished /something/ would you look at that


End file.
